This is the Medicine

When I look at my life now it seems to me that much of what I knew has passed away, and consequently I’ve had to learn to live in a rather different way. There is less certainty in my life. Each day has to be negotiated as a new beginning. Life doesn’t run on the old familiar tracks as it once did.

As a consequence of this I feel, and tell myself that I’m stronger, that I’m clearer. I’m more able to find security and stability in myself, and less reliant on external conditions for a sense of well being and security. The path has led, often through loss, into this new landscape.

The positive side of this is a greater sense of freedom. A greater ability to be myself. More able to get out of my own way. After all, it doesn’t really matter that much!

But I’ve also noticed the other side of the coin. My dreams continue in much the same way as they’ve always done. Here, it seems, things are no better. The same troubling things happen. I’ve done something bad. Disaster threatens. I’ve displeased someone. Someone has angered me, etc, etc.

What do I make of this? It seems to me that as my internal space becomes somewhat clearer, the dross becomes more visible. As I “polish my mirror” the whole drama of my ego self, “me”, “julian”, becomes more clearly visible....especially in the mirror of my dreams.

There’s always a deal to be struck; some deed to be hidden; someone to be avoided; some situation to be manipulated. This is the way of the ego, the game of the person I call “me.”

For me its not so much about analysing the content of the dreams, although that can be useful and revealing. Its more about seeing the whole story reflected there, and just seeing it for what it is. What’s seen is the story of “me” – the archetypal hero’s journey, told since time immemorial.

What to do? Nothing. Just witness. Just see it for what it is. Not good. Not bad. Welcome the “good” in oneself. Try to love the shadowy and murky within oneself. Feel the joy and pain of existence as deeply as you can. Drink deeply from this cup. This is the medicine.